The title of this post is from my daily devotional reading's reflection written by Sr. Joyce Rupp, O.S.M. In her reflection on Psalm 146:7 "The Lord sets captives free," she talks openly about how recalling and replaying hurtful memories and incidents can imprison us so tightly we are unable to to get beyond our resentment.
I know this feeling. I harbor hurts like a wharf gives harbor to ships. I pack them in tightly and moor them with unbinding knots. I try to untie them, to release them, to let them find their way out to sea and far away from me. It seems never to work. They are with me always.
I talked with one of my counselors earlier this week. I talked with my dad. Both are full of wisdom in helping me understand that with deep, repeated hurts, or hurts that have wounded over long periods of time, it remains difficult to release those hurts. I try time and again to get past, get around, leave behind the hard feelings. It doesn't work. I thought that was bad, that I should be able to turn the other cheek. I haven't worked through enough of the hurt to be there yet. And perhaps on some level it's OK that I never do.