Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The way of being me

I am a princess, however not always. Not on most days, for most hours or most minutes. On occasional minutes I am the princess and the princess is me. I struggle with self image and self confidence like most women, and so, I use my 'title' Princess to reflect on the perfection that God made in me. That I am perfect in his eyes and my imperfections are of no concern to Him.

Today I read a blog post on a new favorite space: inCourage: A home for the hearts of women. I can't thank one of my sisters in Christ for sharing that link her own blog enough. I'm not an everyday reader, but I am a reader when it matters most--when I need that spiritual pick me up on the spur of the moment. For today, I was brought to "…but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.” ~2 Corinthians 4:16

While the blogger was focused on aging gracefully, I was struck by the need to remember that despite my physical being, I have the ability to renew. I was in tears most of the way home from work last night, all but ready to go home and not go to the gym as I had committed to myself. I had that bad of a day, and one of the people in whom I should be most able to trust for support had lost my faith. While inquiring about someone they had not seen in more than a decade, the first question was, "Is she still fat?" What it felt like to have that carpet pulled out from under me. I have struggled my entire life with overweight, as has the person who made the comment. I don't see the physical. I am human, I notice extremes, but it's not my way to remember that as someone's entire character or being. I am thankful that I am spiritually able to let that observation of others perish, and to remain renewed in the Spirit.

If only I was so kind to myself, though. And I think that's what started the downward descent yesterday. Things came in small blows and added up throughout the day and by the time my day ended I was in tears. Heartbroken again. Needing to be lifted up and to leave behind those negative thoughts. Thank you to my trainer, Anissa, for helping to focus my mind on building up my physical strength, and to thus begin the renewal of my spirit. Thanks be to God for allowing me to grow in Him more each day.

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